kelalaian membawa kemusnahan

"Ingatlah hanya dengan mengingati Allah, hati menjadi tenang."

(Ar-Ra'd : 28)

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Malam tadi aku terbaca satu post yang member aku paste kat FB - Ibu Yang Tidak Pernah Kecewa. Baca punya baca blog tu, aku terjumpa blog ni. Sayu sangat rasanya. Sayu sebab ada persamaan walaupun tidak sepenuhnya.

Al-Fatihah untuk arwah. Sungguh cekal arwah berjuang menghadapi kanser. Aku petik ayat-ayat yang cukup menyentuh jiwaku daripada blog arwah. Perasaan yang jua mengalir di dalam darahku ketika aku sakit. Sungguh, pesakit kanser punya persamaan..


'Allah is very close to me because I feel so calm and at peace even when I battled my pains and fever.

It is not making me thinking about death but it is making me feeling the love of Allah embracing me.

GOD is never cruel and I am pledging He makes this pain as catalyst to cleanse my sins...

It is Allah that knows the most. I am leaving my life to Him for every second and moment of it. I want His guidance for every second of my life...

Every living thing will die. Only we don't know when our time to leave the earth will come. Some return to Him soon, some later but we all still leave for Him.

With the bad news, I keep on reminding myself to remember death more. To think of it in the positive way.

No one lives in immortality. That we bring nothing except the deeds we do on earth. We are given time to correct and improve our deeds.

I am teaching myself to soften my heart. To forgive and ask for forgiveness. Asking forgiveness from God is easy for we know He is the Most Merciful and Loving. All we need is to keep on pledging and begging in sincerity. But asking forgiveness from mankind is difficult for we are not the merciful ones.

I was very calm when we talked about the cancer spread but I was not calm anymore when we talked about the children. I felt so sad with the spreading because this time I know it will my little one that is going to face the biggest hurdle.

I understood that the result is the best given for me. It is hard to explain how I can stay calm like today. I have accepted all these and only Allah is the one who can give me such peaceful feeling.

God gave me this sickness so when all efforts I tried seemed not to work and I have kept saying I accepted all these tests, it is not an indicator that I can now stop all efforts and focus only at praying or having a build-in cave on my praying mat.

The DUIT concept of Doa, Usaha, Ikhtiar and Tawakkal works well with asking for guidance from Allah, asking for forgiveness from Allah (Doa-supplication), then find ways to cure or ease the hardship (Usaha), if one way is not working be reasourceful and try to find other ways

Allah is with us. He is watching how we react to this tribulation. I have no more regrets that despite all efforts the cancers are still in body, not only staying but spreading.

Don't I cry? Yes I still cry especially when I forward my forgiveness to God. How I may become a forgetful servant and how sometimes I become laghaa with all temptations. I learn to cleanse my heart and I really feel the guilt that it is still not purify because of the anger and sadness battling the menopausal syndrome or the pain. O Allah...I am truly seeking your forgiveness... please forgive me... ameen...'

Bila aku baca entry ni, mata aku sangat berkaca.. dan sebenarnya aku perlu baca artikel begitu supaya aku sentiasa sedar dan insaf. Sedar bahawa kanser ni boleh relapse, tapi hingga sekarang Allah memberi peluang kepadaku supaya bertaubat dan buat yang terbaik sebelum menemuiNya.

Ya Allah.. sesungguhnya aku sangat lalai dari mengingatiMu. Bila baca blog tu, aku terkenang kembali ikatan antara aku denganMu yang kini tidak seteguh itu. Ya Allah.. kenapa aku jadi begitu? Adakah hanya kerana Allah mengembalikan kembali kesihatan kepadaku aku terus lalai daripada mengingatiNya? Subhanallah..

Malu sangat rasanya. Bimbinglah hambaMu yang hina ini Ya Allah. Hanya kepadaMu aku sembah dan hanya kepadaMu aku memohon pertolongan. Aku sangat mengharap kasih sayang dan redha dariMu..